I fucking hate how people are. Especially family. I have so much hate for so many things, it’s not healthy at all. Sometimes I think that if I dissapear or kill myself, it’ll be easier because no one will be with me anymore. No more piece of shit friends or family. No relationships with anyone.
Just chill. get over it. stop overreacting.
Worst fucking words you can tell me. I won’t put up a fight if I KNOW I’m wrong. So much fucking hate for people.
School is finished on June 8th.
I quit my job, and stop working June 4th.
I’m starting to eat healthy and exercise.
I’m getting my drivers license back.
Today was good. I chilled with my homegirl that I haven’t seen in forever. Love her because she’s real and she’s stuck around.
It was my sisters birthday today. I don’t talk to her anymore. I hope she lives her own life and tries not to ruin anyones.
So I got kinda depressed today. I finished most of my homework today, and started listening to music. I thought of my ex today. I thought of all the memories we had and the shit we went through. There are specific songs and bands that remind me of her, so I can’t download them or listen to them most of the time. It’ll just be weird.
And I’m not sad because I want to be with her. I don’t want to be with her, I have no intentions of being with her, and no desire to be with her. We lead two different lives, and the path that she is heading is NO good for me. It’s actually pretty disappointing if you ask me.
I’m sad because now I’m stuck at home, listening to the music WE use to listen to. Together, when we were being sad faggots. But those times were great. I like knowing that someone understands and feels the way I do about life.
While everyone is out having a life, I’m writing this.
Where do I go from here? I just see things on repeat. I don’t want it to be like this anymore. I don’t want to over think things. I don’t want to stress myself anymore. Life gets so much more worse when I put my mind to anything. I just wish most things were better.
This week was cool. And so was mothers day. Went to NJ with the fam to see more fam. Got drunk as fuck and knocked in the sala haha.
I noticed something today. I cut a shitload of people off. But one of the most realist niggas I had, cut me off. And now things are weird.
I just want to quit. Everything. and NOT go back.
Maybe then I’ll finally be okay and just focus on myself. Always relying on people or things of value make life so depressing and shitty. There are no more friends that hit you up, or care enough to. But I respect it, becuase niggas are doing them.
And I’m not.
I have anger issues. And I’m pretty sure if I beat the shit out of someone before, I’ll more than glad to do it again. My sister is dead to me now. And if she was a guy, I’d fucking kill her.
I love my girlfriend. I spent most of this week with her. We spent the day together and I had to let her know how I feel. I hope we stay together for as long as we can.
On another note, happy birthday to my dad. I love this man like no one else. He has supported me with everything I’ve done in life, and I appreciate him. I’d be nothing without him. So as I sit here, listen to Peruvian music and drink beers, I just want to wish him a happy birthday.
This week has been alright. Alot of good and bad. Got to see my girlfriend alot more, and also got to see my friend that I rarely see. and chilled with steven. Nosebleeds were gay, and I’m finally ALMOST not sick anymore. Next weekend is my driving test (since the car accident) thing, so that’s cool. tomorrow is my dad’s birthday, so I’m brainstorming what to get him. My brother comes home this weekend too. And I’m going to California sooner than I expected.
I hate my anxiety problems, my OCD, this apartment, everything.
I wish I didn’t worry 4 times as much as regular people do. I wish I didn’t care as much as I do. I hate my job. I hate breathing short, I hate shaking, and I hate when everyone has high expectations from you. and I fail every fucking time.
